Monday, January 14, 2008

Movies I’d Like To See.

The 300 To Yuma - Famed outlaw Ben Wade is captured by the law in Bisbee. Rancher Dan Evans is tasked to take Wade to the train in Yuma. When they get there they find the city under attack by Spartans and then the Rancher and the outlaw pool their resources to save the city and defeat the Greek invaders.

The Bourne Superbad Ultimatum – Jason Bourne is brought out of hiding by two bumbling teenagers who are trying to by booze for a party that they’ve been invited to. Bourne agrees to help them get laid but then is forced into action by two inept cops who are part of a secret CIA project called Operation Blackbriar. The people Bourne doesn’t kill get laid. Matt Damon stars.

Spiderman vs. Zodiac – The webslinger’s crime fighting abilities are called into question when the Zodiac comes to town and starts murdering people. Super-strength and the ability to walk up the sides of buildings prove useless as the Zodiac’s body-count increases. The Zodiac taunts police and Spiderman by writing letters to the Daily Bugle where Peter Parker works. Further confusion is spurred by the Bugle’s new cartoonist, played by Jake Gyllenhaal, who is kidnapped by the Zodiac because he mistakes him for Toby McGuire.

Sicko Hostel 2 – Two attractive young women are lured into a nightmare of torture and disfigurement. Turns out it’s just the county hospital. The real horror begins when the get the bill and their insurance refuses to cover it.

Rambo Driving Miss Daisy - Tormented Vietnam veteran John Rambo takes what he hopes will be a quiet job driving around a cantankerous old woman. Little does he know but her scheming grandchildren are planning to kill her and take her fortune. They didn’t count on Rambo being in the mix. Rated R for violence and incoherent mumbling.

23 Dresses – Catherine Heigel is a perpetual Bride’s maid who is stalked by a madman (played by Jim Carrey) who is obsessed by the number 23.

Harry Potter and the Black Snake Moan – Harry is forced to chain Hermione to a radiator in a secluded corner of Hogwarts when he discovers that she is under a spell cast by Lord Voldemort. Harry has to find a way to break the spell while resisting Hermione’s sexual advances.

Grindhouse Atonement – 13 year old fledgling writer Briony Tallis and her family live in an enormous mansion in the English countryside. She has a crush on the housekeeper’s son, Robbie Turner, but he only has eyes for her older sister Cecilia. When the two finally fall for each other, Briony accuses Robbie of a horrible crime. Robbie is forced to join the Army. There he meets Bruce Willis who becomes the young man’s mentor. After his leg is blown off, Robbie has it replaced with a machine gun. After the war, Robbie and Bruce Willis return to England to clear his name and even the score. After Robbie kills Briony in a hail of bullets he learns that Cecilia has been kidnapped by Kurt Russell and they are now driving fast across the English countryside. Robbie and Bruce Willis steal a motorcycle and take off after them.

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