Friday, May 04, 2007

Stuff I Always Wondered About Superman.

What if Superman gets a boner? Does it punch out through his shorts, or does he get his shorts from the same people who make the Incredible Hulk’s pants?

If he get’s diarrhea, can he use a regular toilet? Or does he have to fly all the way up to the fortress of solitude to use a special Kryptonian shitter? Could Superman use his diarrhea as a weapon? If he doesn’t quite make it to the Fortress Of Solitude, can he use a volcano? If he goes in his pants, will the force of his Kryptonian diarrhea blow his boots off?

If Superman craps his pants, can he wash them in a regular washing machine?

If you break it, you’ve bought it. How much has this cost Superman over the years?

Since Krypton’s sun was more powerful, does Superman’s snot dry? Ever?

When Superman farts, how long does the stink last?

If his farts smell real bad, does he have to fart in space?

What if Superman’s farts smell good? What if they smell like Popcorn, Coffee or Cinnamon? If they did, do you think he’d tell anybody about it? I mean, every time someone made a fresh pot of coffee they’d be all “Jeez, Superman must have had Tacos last night!” Worse, Lex Luther would give him an embarrassing nick name like “Redenbacher”.

How it is that Superman never gets a wedgie?

Do you think that Superman’s sperm is powerful enough to get a woman pregnant even if he bangs her in the ass? If a baby was conceived in this way, would it grow to love Superman? Or would it grow to hate him because it was a butthole-baby?

What kind of super powers would a Butthole – baby have? Would the fact that it was conceived in a colon instead of a uterus negate the half that is Kryptonian?

Does Superman use the Justice League’s super computer to download really good porn?

Even though he can fly, do you think Superman drives to work to the Justice League headquarters? If he does, will he use his own parking spot or does he park where ever the hell he want’s to because he’s Superman, bitch!